I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
