She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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