his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
