Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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