We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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