i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
