have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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