Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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