We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
