How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
