Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
