Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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