Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
