this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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