I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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