the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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