I bet he comes in French.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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