he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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