just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Mom said you looked used
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
