I cannot find my penis.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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