I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
