Im at strip club and am horny
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
