Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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