opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
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