I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
