My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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