I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
