In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
third nipple confirmed
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
