hotel room ftw
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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