Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
