I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
