Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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