I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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