You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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