I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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