Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
