...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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