what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I still have a little drunk in my system
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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