I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
