I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
