this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Houston, we have a squirter
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
