Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
