Im at strip club and am horny
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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