So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
