Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He passed out mid-signature
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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