sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
