Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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