When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
