Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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