my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
