I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
