This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
