We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
