Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
